My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
