If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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