my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
