my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
