If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
