He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
