I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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