I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
This house was built for laser tag.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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