a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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