You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
