Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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