The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
