You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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