btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
