the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
