If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
