chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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