dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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