Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she smelled like a LAN party
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
