Do you still have your period?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
