I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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