I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
