you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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