I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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