$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
