at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
