If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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