I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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