dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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