just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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