And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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