I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
