Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
