So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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