so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
