Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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