Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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