everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
