i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you would pick up someone in the library
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize