I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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