I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
