i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
