I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
