You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
