Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
