just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
