dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
