God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
