we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
