yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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