I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize