i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
