Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my shit smells like andre
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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