You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize