i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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