those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
