I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
