coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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