Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
