capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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