chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
