Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
