do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
