So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
