i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
