i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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