But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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