i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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