remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
