I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm like, not good at living.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize