I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
