My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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