i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
