My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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