Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
