New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize