i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
