maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
