Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
