Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
