Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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