I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
