we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
