$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish I only lived at night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
