Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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