you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize