you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
