ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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