It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
