Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
