i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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