So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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