I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
