I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize