I could make wine with my vomit
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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