Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
