FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
