i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
