So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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