so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
