Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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