you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
