and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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