How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
