U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
