I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Enjoy the penises
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
