I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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