Need sex. Gaining weight.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
