Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
